Knitting Olympics Scandal
It is with great regret that I must turn in members of my own Cajun-American Olympic Knitting Team for recently discovered use of steroids. Please don't put them in jail over there in Italy, just send them home so I can put them back in the stash for rehab, okay?
But how can I turn a blind eye to evidence like this? Caught in the act!
I have no choice but to discharge these members, as well as the rest if the Koigu Shawl Team from the Knitting Olmypics, leaving only the yarn in the Official Irish Drinking Hat Yarn Team to compete in the games.
As the coach, I am shocked and horrified, but I have no choice but to replace these team members.
And it gets worse. Only moments after discovering two of my finest and most promising athletes lolling around on the actual bottle of steroids, I walk into the next room only to find this:
My assistant coach, completey wasted, absolutely loaded, passed out on the bed from catnip abuse.
What is the world coming to?
I cannot hold my head up in public today. Instead, I shall give the Official Irish Drinking Hat Team a good pep talk and pack my bags for Stitches. I need to get my mind off this.