Sunday, February 12, 2006

Knitting Olympics Scandal


It is with great regret that I must turn in members of my own Cajun-American Olympic Knitting Team for recently discovered use of steroids. Please don't put them in jail over there in Italy, just send them home so I can put them back in the stash for rehab, okay?

But how can I turn a blind eye to evidence like this? Caught in the act!

I have no choice but to discharge these members, as well as the rest if the Koigu Shawl Team from the Knitting Olmypics, leaving only the yarn in the Official Irish Drinking Hat Yarn Team to compete in the games.

As the coach, I am shocked and horrified, but I have no choice but to replace these team members.

And it gets worse. Only moments after discovering two of my finest and most promising athletes lolling around on the actual bottle of steroids, I walk into the next room only to find this:

My assistant coach, completey wasted, absolutely loaded, passed out on the bed from catnip abuse.

What is the world coming to?

I cannot hold my head up in public today. Instead, I shall give the Official Irish Drinking Hat Team a good pep talk and pack my bags for Stitches. I need to get my mind off this.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

As if things didn't suck enough yet in New Orleans...

We have had two tornadoes and a major fire in the past several days.

The tornadoes ripped up the airport and added insult to injury in one of the worst-flooded parts of town, shredding some houses whose owners had already begun to gut and repair.

Now they get to start over.

The fire took out a historic movie theater, a theater where I remember seeing "Godzilla" as a child. Low water pressure in the city required the intervention of helicopter bucket brigades, bringing back shudders from the days immediately after Katrina, when we watched our home town burn and flood at the same time.

I'll write about knitting next time.


Inmates in the Asylum since July 27, 2006: