Monday, October 16, 2006

Special Announcment From The Knitting Asylum:

The Knitting Asylum is proud to announce that, beginning this fall, we will be offering Special Remedial Classes for men who do not knit. Just a few selections from our curriculum include:

Color Theory 2051: Beyond Brown and Blue -- Describing Objects Using Standard Color Nomenclature. In this controversial and provocative class, Dr. Mambocat will use actual garments and other common household objects to expand student awareness and practice correct identification of colors in various everyday situations in order to facilitate better communication between the student and the person who knits for him. Class meets from 7:00pm till 9:00pm Tuesdays and Thursdays during the fall semester. Students must come to the first class prepared with a color wheel, a sketchpad, and a box of 64 Crayola Crayons. All 64 colors must be memorized and correctly identified in order to recieve a certificate of completion. Final exam will be given at Home Depot, where students will have two hours to collect paint chips matching all 64 colors. Tuition: $75 plus materials

Fluid Dynamics 3024: Fundamental Differences Between Fibers, and Engineering Theories on How They Should Be Washed. Pictures and explanatory graphics, along with Powerpoint presentations, will guide the student through the complex engineering principles of separating garments by fiber type and color, selection of washing cycles and water temperatures on the washing machine, and group discussion of "How Full Is Too Full?" This class is a lab. Class meets Mondays and Thursdays from 6:30pm till 8:30pm at the Soap Suds Laundromat, directly across the street from Charley's Sports Bar. Tuition: $25 in quarters. Students must report for each class with a minimum of one load of soiled laundry and their own soap. Prerequisite: Color Theory 2051

Returning students please note that this class replaces, "Refrigerator Versus Regenerator: Understanding Why the Refrigerator Makes Containers Cold But Does Not Refill Them."

Sociology 1201: Soliciting the Manufacture of Hand-Knit Garments. This class covers the complex and subtle social dynamics which are helpful to the shivering man who wishes to procure warm, knitted garments from handknitters, particularly if the handknitter is a Significant Other. Critical behaviors to be addressed will include lifting the toilet seat, doing laundry without being asked, bringing home flowers, doing the dishes, performing footrubs, not wearing good clothes to paint the bathroom or work on the car, remembering birthdays, buying chocolate, and sharing the TV remote. Role-playing, group support sessions and a telephone-buddy system will be set up by your instructor to keep egos intact. Tuition: $75 Fluid Dynamics 3024 is a prerequisite; Color Theory 2051 is not a prerequisite but is helpful.

Please remember that class space is limited -- sign up early to assure your place!

--Dr. Mambocat



At 10:29 AM, Blogger Flemisa said...

If it wasn't so far to send him, I definitely have someone I would enrol.

Would love to hear what brought about these choices of courses!

At 2:45 PM, Blogger LornaJay said...

Both I and DH laughed out loud. I have a brother who has difficulty with "how full is too full"....

At 9:18 PM, Anonymous naomi dagen bloom said...

dez, when i read title of first class to spouse, his response, "she knows i'm out there." yes. but they can come along. much progress since he added knit hats to his spinning skills. there's hope...even after 40 years.


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